I told myself a story
I remember walking home, and thinking if there was something big out there, something bigger than me. Maybe that way my feelings wouldn’t be so immense. As I saw the poor light from the streetlights, I thought that sensitivity is like a home full of different lights and colors, and that home can be found in so many places.
I wanted to discover that without knowing what I really needed. The air was blue and windy, and I was just wearing my hair long, barefoot, just how I like it. I felt like I was on top of the waves that surround my shelter, swaying with them and swimming until hitting the reality of the shore. For one second, I saw that big thing I was looking for. As always, when I least expected it.
There are some things that can never be altered, so they don’t need answers. Those indescribable little masses of energy that are so noticeable are at the same time so hidden, and I think it’s because they want you to stumble into them when you are ready to. But as unpredictable as life is, not always being prepared is part of the whole mystery.
While my skin was turning the color of the sun, I began to realize that the night had been feeling my feelings. I became one with each thing, and I liked the idea of home being something that protected me from beginning to end, if I let it.
A creature full of contradictions and emotions and unexpressed words, just needs so deeply to connect with something the mind can’t grasp. Knowing what lies beneath the surface leaves little room for the pleasure of figuring out and imagining. The opposite works.
So I embraced my opposites, my unknown, my constant change, my waves, my mind that is a room of lights. My everything that always walks at my pace, wherever I go, forever.
“M”
Thank you for reading miel journal, a biweekly newsletter that delves into poetic reflections on lifestyle, culture, inner self, and other obsessions. You can also find me on Instagram for more slow life inspiration. To dive deeper into miel, subscribe for free to stay updated with my writing. <3